I've tried really hard to not think about it and to even pretend like it wasn't going to happen, but here it is a few short weeks away and suddenly I'm struck with the realization that I'm about the leave a home. London has been a safe haven for me to learn about myself and to really accomplish a few things I've had kicking around for many years now.
I've been filled with a mix of emotions...not going to lie, mostly sadness. Because as a result of this change a few other things have changed as well, mainly my relationship. That's right, as quickly as Higgins came into my life, he decided to leave. I can't say I blame him, the prospect of a long distance relationship is enough to make even the most level headed person turn into a nail-biter. I'm pretty sad about it, I had the highest of hopes for us. I loved that I was part of an 'us' even if it was cut short. The break down of the break-up was pretty brutal and included a lot of the following: crying, the discovery of a kidney infection, spending some time in hospital for said kidney infection, over analyzing, comfort cuddles from The Swede, more crying and a few other things, which probably don't need to be mentioned.
I feel as if I'm past the worst of it now. One of the best things I can say I took away from my whole experience with the bus boyfriend, is that something like this will not kill me. I've had a handful of relationships in my life and each time one came to a close there was something better for me. At the moment I have zero desire to date anyone ever again...for the rest of my life, but I know that will change. I know that I have many beautiful chapters of my life, which have yet to be written.
I met with D shortly after it happened and of course he put me right at ease, everything I am feeling is natural. It felt wonderful to know that this was a perfectly natural and normal experience I was having. I am happy to say I've stopped crying when I think about it...at the very least.
I promise to blog a bit more about the move over the next couple of weeks. There are a couple of stories I've been saving for you as well, all in due time my dears.