a change is gonna come...

I am a creature of habit.  I like to do things that are familiar and that I enjoy doing.  I'm not averse to change but I fully embrace the concept of "if it ain't broken don't fix it".  These last couple of weeks and I've been embracing a pretty major change that is about to happen in my life.  I'm moving folks.

I've tried really hard to not think about it and to even pretend like it wasn't going to happen, but here it is a few short weeks away and suddenly I'm struck with the realization that I'm about the leave a home. London has been a safe haven for me to learn about myself and to really accomplish a few things I've had kicking around for many years now.

I've been filled with a mix of emotions...not going to lie, mostly sadness.  Because as a result of this change a few other things have changed as well, mainly my relationship.  That's right, as quickly as Higgins came into my life, he decided to leave.  I can't say I blame him, the prospect of a long distance relationship is enough to make even the most level headed person turn into a nail-biter.  I'm pretty sad about it, I had the highest of hopes for us.  I loved that I was part of an 'us' even if it was cut short.  The break down of the break-up was pretty brutal and included a lot of the following: crying, the discovery of a kidney infection, spending some time in hospital for said kidney infection, over analyzing, comfort cuddles from The Swede, more crying and a few other things, which probably don't need to be mentioned.

I feel as if I'm past the worst of it now. One of the best things I can say I took away from my whole experience with the bus boyfriend, is that something like this will not kill me.  I've had a handful of relationships in my life and each time one came to a close there was something better for me.  At the moment I have zero desire to date anyone ever again...for the rest of my life, but I know that will change.  I know that I have many beautiful chapters of my life, which have yet to be written.

I met with D shortly after it happened and of course he put me right at ease, everything I am feeling is natural.  It felt wonderful to know that this was a perfectly natural and normal experience I was having. I am happy to say I've stopped crying when I think about it...at the very least.

I promise to blog a bit more about the move over the next couple of weeks.  There are a couple of stories I've been saving for you as well, all in due time my dears.

(a series) of relationships...

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF

When I saw this video for the first time I laughed so hard.  I watched it on repeat a couple of times and each time it just seemed to be so funny.  But she has a good point, which is worry about yourself.

These last two years that I've been seeing D, my counselor, have really helped me in so many ways, but the main way that I've changed is my relationship with myself.  I like myself a lot more, I am nicer to myself and I feel more confident in who I am and the choices I've made in my life than ever before.  Above my desk is a little piece of paper that D wrote on during one of our first sessions. It says TRUST YOURSELF & BE KIND TO YOURSELF.  Everyday when I sit at my computer or when I'm getting ready for the day I see it and I remember that I have to do this.  I know that it may seem like the most obvious thing ever, but for me it has taken a loooooong time to get there.  I'm still not perfect at it, but I'm working on it and that is what counts most.

The relationship I have with me is the most important one I will ever be a part of. Because of this, it is important to look at it all the time and to have those check-ins to make sure I'm headed down the paths I want and need to be on.  When I think about most of my 20's and how much I hated myself and was unable and unwilling to be more loving and kind to myself, well it makes me sad.  I am a pretty awesome person and I was really missing out on having a better, more loving relationship with myself.  But the best part is that it is never too late to start having one.  trust me.

(a series) of relationships...

LEAVE PETTY ARGUMENTS ALONE

I remember once I had a conversation with my aunt, we were talking about relationships and how she made her relationships with her children better.  She said something profound to me, which she'd heard somewhere else...she said "save the relationship" then she explained that there are times when she wants to point things out to others, but then in an effort to "save the relationship" she holds her tongue.  This concept of leaving petty arguments alone is one which is new to me.  

I used to think that I needed to explain my point, or prove why I was right and they were wrong.  But what I find is that when I pick my battles and choose to save the relationship, I feel better.  Better than I ever felt proving my rightness.  When an argument is small it is not important, it is never worth potentially jeopardizing your relationship with that person just to prove your point.  

I'm by no means saying that you shouldn't ever speak your mind about anything, but I do think you have to make sure that it is an argument/discussion worth having.  I've found that my relationships with all people have improved when I stopped the silly notion that I needed to be right all the time. Besides being right all the time gets pretty tiring.

(a series) of relationships...

TALK A LITTLE LESS, AND LISTEN

Remember when I took that class on understanding men?  I do.  One of the most important things that I took away from the course was that I needed to talk less and listen more when I talk with a man.  Let me tell you, it works.  It works really well.  One of the best parts about listening to someone talk is that they usually tell you a lot about themselves, men and women alike.

One of the most important things I've learned over these last months is that in the past when I listened I wasn't really listening, but rather waiting for my turn to talk.  There is a difference between these two things and that difference is massive.  What I've found is that when I'm really to listening to someone they will tell me every thing I need to know about them, good and bad.  It is amazing what this single skill can do to change your relationships with people.

a quick check in...

Hi Dears,

I know I've been a bit of a slack blogger these days, but life has been more than a bit of a busy time for this little lady.  I've started an internship, I'm in the last few weeks of my MBA, I'm applying for jobs left and right...oh and I've met someone who is beyond fantastic and I'm pretty mad about the boy.  I promise for a bigger update in a short while.  I need to get this pesky degree finished and then I'll feel like I'll be able to type something that doesn't have a word count and APA referencing.  Until then know that I'm happy and healthy and loving my life at the moment.

A little treat to enjoy.

ohhh how i want ya...

I'm in deep smit with this one, have a listen.

i like the way this is going...

This is possibly the best song to happen to my life at this exact moment.  It just feels lovely to hear it.  No cryptic message behind that, this song just makes me feel happy.